Twin Flames

Iridescent columns of light reach through the window

As the inferno in the sky retires to the other side of the earth

I contemplate my surroundings and the company I keep

As the relationship of pen and paper give a poetic birth

You cannot write about the twin flame concept

My head warns as the ideas ignite like a nebula in space

The truth is that too many people could get hurt

If you open up about the memories you wish you could erase

She was a demon and angel wrapped into a hard candy shell

I spent too much time beside her and she broke me

The stories have been locked away in a safe in my head

I wish I could throw deep down a thousand foot well

I have to write about this, I know it might hurt you

I put myself back together after years of making mistakes

The seeming eternity I spent with the fire that burned me

Haunts my dreams still and some nights it keeps me awake

But it taught me a lesson I could never have learned

That if you take two candles and soak them with gasoline

They burn so hot that there is no wax left to contain them

The light that they once emitted is now completely unseen

It’s a funny thing though, some of us just linger on

And some of us disappear from this plain of existence

I am just glad someone taught me how to make fire

So I can start over and relight my candle with it

Adrift

I am not looking

For anything

There is a solace

In the silence

I feel as if I am in a blank space

From emotional content

That which I feel is

Superseded by a blank space

Full of questions

What is next

It is like being in a field of debris

After a tornado has ripped everything in sight to shreds

There are a few things still in place

Friendships and work to be done

All else has been washed away by a

Gail force wind

Here i stand

Looking over the outcome

Realizing how much I enjoy it

Existing in the blank spaces

Being without

Leaves me powerless

Without power, without responsibility

Resting now, after the storm

Adrift

If there was a way

If there was a way…

I would do it

To talk to you and tell you

All the things that have happened

All of the good things

And all of the really bad things

I want to share my thoughts

And my questions

My disappointments

And my lessons

If there was a way…

I would do it

I see my friends around me growing

And becoming better than before

Finding love, and experiencing loss

Having babies and so much more

Renewing relationships,

Changing their life,

Becoming strong and overcoming

So much internal strife

If there was a way…

I would do it

If I could take all of the good in me

And give it to all the people I love

If I could just be done with all this

And join the spirits up above

If I could find you somewhere

Wherever it is you went

I just want you, and no one else

God I wish I knew this before you left

Maybe things would be different

Maybe you would still be here

Maybe I would have gone

And you could have stayed here

That’s a lot of maybes

And there really isn’t a way

…But if there was a way I could

Hug you and tell you I love you

If there was a way…

I would

Don’t miss

The path of the forsaken

Begins with a lightning strike

When particles collide

Deep in the dark of night

Their loneliness is torture

It seems like they are so far away

As if light will never reach them again

Forever stuck in the shade

Reaching out forever

Wanting to feel someone’s touch

Waiting and wishing always

But never feeling love

This kind of sadness haunts

And captures people’s souls

It gnaws and bites and grabs

It drags you down the hole

Where you will find the nothing

The lack of all that there is

This is where you awaken

Reborn to reach out…

And hoping this time you don’t miss

Overt your eyes, that’s what the voice in my head says

Then I can’t help it, they meet yours and I know.

You are breathtaking beauty, deep intelligence, emotionally present.

Your spirit calls to mine for some reason

My heart isn’t some battlefield, or a junkyard

It is full of emotion and love

I have been stuck in this place where everything is locked behind

Iron gates and cement and rebar

My eyes call to you, and your eyes answer

All they say is let me out

I am so sick of this place

I want to get to know you

And touch you and be free

It is a hard thing to take responsibility for locking yourself in

It’s not the others fault, you did this

Your eyes call to me

They say come out and play

Be free.

That is what you are to me.

Freedom

As I looked at my hands

I felt the bumps on my head

I recognized my comfort ability

With the deeply uncomfortable

As I have walked through life

I have felt pains that seem to have come

From the unknown

I ask myself questions

Why does this hurt so bad

And how did I get here

As I drove home today

I saw her, an apparition

She was the same

As if she didn’t die

I wanted to chase her

Or call her, am I crazy?

How much comfort is there really

When I do something that hurts?

At least I know exactly

Where the pain came from.

When everything was perfect

And you felt no fear

Do you remember hearing the silence

When the darkness came near

It devoured the light

It dulled out the sound

It felt like nothing else

When it came around

Can you find your way

With no light at the end

Can you be ok in silence

With no one to call friend

When your feelings overcome you

And the fear becomes intense

What do you do then

When nothing makes any sense

There is a light inside you

It has always been your guardian

When all else fails…

You might learn to listen to your heart again

Weaponized Hope

I was struggling with shit

So I walked through the door of the last house on the block.

They said dude your a drunk

…All the drinking Man, you gotta stop

So I stopped all the alcohol and weed

Just to become a pussy fiend

Always looking for a female

So I can trade my soul for a vagina full of dopamine

She said it’s ok to be vulnerable

I will be your ride or die

We whispered all of our secrets to each other

We admitted all our lies

But we both got what we wanted

It should be no surprise

We will do anything for that feeling… that dope

So here it is, the statement that applies

I want to know what drives you,

What keeps you afloat

So I can stab you with a dagger

Of weaponized hope

You want a relationship with your daughter

I can make that happen

I’m friends with her on social media

…And now your trapped in

What everybody wants right now

Is just to feel good

All you gotta do is sell em the idea

That if they wanted to do anything,

they could

Here’s a memory to shed some light

If you still think hope as a weapon is good

When my old friend sees a missionary, a southern twang says…

look at that Ram Christ

Or people from any religion who come to your home to invasively proselyte

the worst way to sell religion is by

jamming Jesus down your windpipe

They will use what drives you

What keeps you afloat

So they can stab you where it matters

With weaponized hope

Hope is not an ice pick

To jam in someone’s eye

You can’t pull it out once you stab them

Because they’ll bleed out and die

It’s not some thing to post on Facebook

Like look everyone I’m such a nice guy

It’s not some group or religion

That you have to join or rely

It’s not found in a woman’s vagina

This makes me really sad… I know

It’s not some story with a moral Someone tells you, Hope isn’t even in this poem

If I really want Hope, I can’t weaponize it

I gotta Give it away forever and expect to never get it back

I can’t tell you what I did for it,

or I’m just an egotistical shit sack

I have to be kind and forgive people

And Help those who can’t swim stay afloat

I Own this shit and I’m done stabbing the people I love

With my bullshit weaponized hope

Starlight

Children beaming brightly with energy solar

produce smiles in the wise with age

The sun a star forever burning

heavenly bodies surrounding its infernal rage

A satellite, the moon doesn’t produce,

even when it shines at night

As we age we wax poetic

the moon reflects what the sun emits…

starlight

I contemplate the comedy of aging

As humans around me dye their hair

And endlessly try to appear

Less experienced and youthfully fair

Oh how we waste the thing most precious

Chasing memories of how we once were

Forgetting to be present

As we linger in the past, finger tip media making reality just a colorful blur

Our age is the most precious of gifts

To linger here in the lesson a little longer than some

As we write and listen to the poetry written…

Our reflection shines bright like the sun

Starlight

Star bright

First star I see tonight

I wish I may

I wish I might

Have this wish I wish tonight

The end

I didn’t want to feel it

The weight of the casket felt light

As we carried it to the hearse

I was blank mentally

As if I couldn’t be present

My mind has a defense mechanism that shuts off

Emotion when it decides this is too painful

My grandfather dying was too much

I looked at her as she lay peacefully in the casket

It wasn’t her

I didn’t understand

I was so in love with her spirit

I couldn’t look at her, it was too painful

She was gone

I didn’t mean to break her spirit, it was unintentional

Please forgive me

She was too weak and old to jump into my truck

She was so regal

A protector of old ideas

And my spirit

Loyalty and understanding as no other connection I have ever felt

When she tried to jump out of my truck she hurt herself

And hit the ground with a thud

It broke something inside me

The tears kept coming

As I walked her to her death

I sat alone. In a congregation of people who were there to honor a man

I didn’t know.

My father.

The program said his full name,

I never knew

Cornelius

Please forgive me

I want to be able to love again

And feel alive

I don’t want to be afraid

But when you know… You just can’t go back

I ask people sometimes

Would you rather feel love in the most intense way possible knowing that it will end,

Or would you rather have a mediocre love for a lifetime?

I know what I have always chosen

Tears at the end