women

Unknown

If you only knew…

How breathtaking your beauty is,

Through my eyes

I wish you could feel the

Electricity the moment your skin touches mine

Your scent,

Is the only scent I can smell when your not there

The taste of your lips, your smile

Make my eyes well up in tears

If you only knew…

How bad it hurts me when you tell me you feel ugly or fat

How bad it hurts me when your down

How bad it hurts when all I want is to help, and I can’t

How bad it hurts when your gone

If you only knew…

How much I love you

How much I want to change so that this will never happen again

How I would gladly give my life so that you could be happy and free

How many tears I have shed for you…

Maybe it’s better that you don’t know,

Maybe it’s better…

If it’s unknown

Twin Flames

Iridescent columns of light reach through the window

As the inferno in the sky retires to the other side of the earth

I contemplate my surroundings and the company I keep

As the relationship of pen and paper give a poetic birth

You cannot write about the twin flame concept

My head warns as the ideas ignite like a nebula in space

The truth is that too many people could get hurt

If you open up about the memories you wish you could erase

She was a demon and angel wrapped into a hard candy shell

I spent too much time beside her and she broke me

The stories have been locked away in a safe in my head

I wish I could throw deep down a thousand foot well

I have to write about this, I know it might hurt you

I put myself back together after years of making mistakes

The seeming eternity I spent with the fire that burned me

Haunts my dreams still and some nights it keeps me awake

But it taught me a lesson I could never have learned

That if you take two candles and soak them with gasoline

They burn so hot that there is no wax left to contain them

The light that they once emitted is now completely unseen

It’s a funny thing though, some of us just linger on

And some of us disappear from this plain of existence

I am just glad someone taught me how to make fire

So I can start over and relight my candle with it

Adrift

I am not looking

For anything

There is a solace

In the silence

I feel as if I am in a blank space

From emotional content

That which I feel is

Superseded by a blank space

Full of questions

What is next

It is like being in a field of debris

After a tornado has ripped everything in sight to shreds

There are a few things still in place

Friendships and work to be done

All else has been washed away by a

Gail force wind

Here i stand

Looking over the outcome

Realizing how much I enjoy it

Existing in the blank spaces

Being without

Leaves me powerless

Without power, without responsibility

Resting now, after the storm

Adrift

Tapestry

Remember the first time you heard…

Life hangs by a thread

What if I told you life is just a strand

Question this in your head

The old woman knitting all day

Contemplating life in her chair

Whatever she knits is a metaphor

For her life, she knows, she was there

The spider that creates

A beautiful complicated web

It teaches us who it is and was

It is a teacher, listen to what it says

Our lives are a tapestry

Each soul a bit of yarn

We converge and tie knots in each other

But not to cause each other harm

Our colors and patterns

Paint a picture for all to see

When we converge on each other

Look how beautiful we all can be

Heart break

Did you ever ask yourself why do I love

After my heart has been broken so many times?

After boundaries have been set

And neither person is willing to cross over the line

When you look at the pieces

And there are so many lying on the floor

It seems like a better idea

To leave, where is the god damn door

Then someone comes into your life

She makes you ask yourself the question

Where did I go wrong last time?

I must have failed at the broken heart rebuilding lesson

Then comes the gratitude

The thank you to all of the people who broke you apart

Without all of the pain they caused

You could have never learned how to rebuild your heart

So if your afraid of your heart breaking

And you want to be done with the fear forever…

Is your fear about your heart breaking,

Or are you afraid to put it back together?

My Hands

Sometimes my hands hurt

From reaching into broken mechanical devices

Sometimes my life hurts

From spending too much time in my vices

I don’t want anyone to think

I am incapable of truly being happy

But where relationships are involved

I attract crazy and end up unhappy

I get sucked in to

Her beauty and disregard her insanity

Then when my vision becomes clear

I want to return to humanity

But alas I get lost in my emotions

I get hurt and tossed around and broken

So maybe when things hurt I should be more cautious

Instead of diving deeper into her turbulent ocean

When my hands hurt

It Is just a part of the life I choose

When my life hurts

I have to ask…

Do you actually enjoy the abuse?

Overt your eyes, that’s what the voice in my head says

Then I can’t help it, they meet yours and I know.

You are breathtaking beauty, deep intelligence, emotionally present.

Your spirit calls to mine for some reason

My heart isn’t some battlefield, or a junkyard

It is full of emotion and love

I have been stuck in this place where everything is locked behind

Iron gates and cement and rebar

My eyes call to you, and your eyes answer

All they say is let me out

I am so sick of this place

I want to get to know you

And touch you and be free

It is a hard thing to take responsibility for locking yourself in

It’s not the others fault, you did this

Your eyes call to me

They say come out and play

Be free.

That is what you are to me.

Freedom

As I looked at my hands

I felt the bumps on my head

I recognized my comfort ability

With the deeply uncomfortable

As I have walked through life

I have felt pains that seem to have come

From the unknown

I ask myself questions

Why does this hurt so bad

And how did I get here

As I drove home today

I saw her, an apparition

She was the same

As if she didn’t die

I wanted to chase her

Or call her, am I crazy?

How much comfort is there really

When I do something that hurts?

At least I know exactly

Where the pain came from.

Weaponized Hope

I was struggling with shit

So I walked through the door of the last house on the block.

They said dude your a drunk

…All the drinking Man, you gotta stop

So I stopped all the alcohol and weed

Just to become a pussy fiend

Always looking for a female

So I can trade my soul for a vagina full of dopamine

She said it’s ok to be vulnerable

I will be your ride or die

We whispered all of our secrets to each other

We admitted all our lies

But we both got what we wanted

It should be no surprise

We will do anything for that feeling… that dope

So here it is, the statement that applies

I want to know what drives you,

What keeps you afloat

So I can stab you with a dagger

Of weaponized hope

You want a relationship with your daughter

I can make that happen

I’m friends with her on social media

…And now your trapped in

What everybody wants right now

Is just to feel good

All you gotta do is sell em the idea

That if they wanted to do anything,

they could

Here’s a memory to shed some light

If you still think hope as a weapon is good

When my old friend sees a missionary, a southern twang says…

look at that Ram Christ

Or people from any religion who come to your home to invasively proselyte

the worst way to sell religion is by

jamming Jesus down your windpipe

They will use what drives you

What keeps you afloat

So they can stab you where it matters

With weaponized hope

Hope is not an ice pick

To jam in someone’s eye

You can’t pull it out once you stab them

Because they’ll bleed out and die

It’s not some thing to post on Facebook

Like look everyone I’m such a nice guy

It’s not some group or religion

That you have to join or rely

It’s not found in a woman’s vagina

This makes me really sad… I know

It’s not some story with a moral Someone tells you, Hope isn’t even in this poem

If I really want Hope, I can’t weaponize it

I gotta Give it away forever and expect to never get it back

I can’t tell you what I did for it,

or I’m just an egotistical shit sack

I have to be kind and forgive people

And Help those who can’t swim stay afloat

I Own this shit and I’m done stabbing the people I love

With my bullshit weaponized hope

For the pirate

When you and I lock eyes,

There is so much that I can see

The turbulent ocean of emotion you sail

And all the treasures you’ve buried

We have met each other on your sails

As you have traveled the stormy sea

All those you have loved and lost

Are mates who are with you constantly

Until you pass this way again

I always await your return

With eyes out on the horizon

Every days sun falling into the sea to burn

I am a solitary desert island

Far beyond your maps reach

I will be here forever waiting for you

To come and relax on the sands of my beach